We nearly reached 59 years of togetherness and , in spite of the fact that he had a chronic condition, I thought we would make the sixty mark and had even made plans for the event. But in spite of coming back from the precipice on many occasions, twenty months ago he didn't.
The first lockdown had just begun . The death rates from the coronavirus were very high and it seemed for almost the rest of the year that the only deaths that mattered were the ones from Covid.
Now, of course, I know that he was probably lucky. He had reached a good age, come to the end of the road and died , in his bed with his wife at his side. Much easier than the Covid way.
The { adult} children were and are very supportive. I found I was now a paid up member of the widows' club and that was a revelation.
Someone told me that she had cried for five years. I had known her at this time and never known the depth of her sorrow. The lockdowns, periods of self isolation are things to be got through . Emerging from these times it is hard to credit that we survived the lack of contact and dread being plunged into it again.
But the time comes when much as I would like to have died too, I haven't and consequently must find, even at my advanced age and state of decrepitude some way of making a life, rather than just passing the time.
Today I ordered a long handled trowel. I'll reach the soil one way of the other.
